I’d like to thank everyone that voted, but the polls are now officially closed. It’s time to announce this year’s recipients of the Parents of the Year award. It was a tough decision, but in the end, there was really no other family that came close.
The parents of two young children, mom is a doctor, dad a reverend, ensuring that these kids are bound to be leading the healthiest lives imaginable, not only from a medical standpoint, but from a spiritual one as well. Proof of this is apparent in new ways, every day.
Most parents send their children to school with a boxed lunch every day. These lunches typically include some sort of sandwich or ‘main course’, some fruit, maybe a vegetable, and if they’re really lucky, a treat for dessert. For every other child in school, this is perfectly acceptable, but our Parents of the Year won’t stand for it! What? Send our children to school with a lunch that was packed hours ago? No, no, no! We want our kids to have the hottest, freshest lunches possible, and if that means we have to have pizza, breadsticks, and pepsi delivered to the children from Pizza Hut every day, then so be it! (Of course, that only lasted until the school staff refused to sign the credit card receipt on their behalf anymore, forcing them to hand-deliver the fresh, hot, nutritious lunches from McDonalds, Pizza Hut, or Burger King daily, and some days even on time!)
After nutrition, these parents place a tremendous amount of value on their children’s education. “Yes, I understand that she has a fever of 102, but I will pick her up after lunch. Any earlier, and she might miss some crucial bit of information that could serve to keep her out of an Ivy League school later in life. She’s two now, it’s time to buckle down!”
Neither of these things, however, is what earned this couple the Parents of the Year award. Their victory was cinched yesterday, when dad called the school and asked me to look up the children’s social security numbers for him…because apparently neither he nor mom knows what they are.