While on Yahoo Messenger the other evening, the following message popped up on my screen from some random stranger:
Hello There,, How Are You Doing,I M Jerry By Name 50 Male…Div With One Daughter..I M Very Lonely And Seeking My Mrs Right..I Have Been Hurt So Much,But I Know That I Still Have My Mrs Right Waiting For Me.. Wat Abt You???
Oh, where to start, where to start?
- Let’s see. First of all, if you are IMing me, then you have seen my Yahoo profile. On said profile, I make no secret of the fact that I despise internet shorthand. If you are too lazy to write out the word “am,” I have nothing to say to you.
- Next, advertising that you are very lonely isn’t exactly a trait that most women find desirable.
- What does it mean that you are “Seeking Mrs. Right”? You are looking for a married chick?
- You are 50 years old. I am 38. I also mentioned on my profile that I didn’t want to spend my Saturday evenings emptying anyone’s colostomy bag.
- And Finally, When You Insist Upon Capitalizing Every Single Word, It Makes Me Want To Smack You Really Hard. Twice.
So, in case you haven’t figured it out yet, Jer, you have absolutely no chance. Copy And Paste Your Generic Message Into Someone Else’s IM. L8tr.