Now that I have your attention, I wanted to share something that I found to be both hysterically funny and somewhat disturbing. Don’t get too excited, it’s not nearly as dirty as the title implies.
An acquaintance of mine is 37 or 38 weeks pregnant. She’s fairly petite to begin with, and her baby appears to be…well, honestly, I’m not sure using the word “gargantuan” would be an exaggeration. She’s also pretty young, in her early 20’s, and in that oh-so-cute way that young people have, I believe she thought that being pregnant would be fun. She’d wear cute clothes and get primo parking spaces at the mall, and then 9 months later she’d wake one morning to find a little person screaming in the bassinet beside her bed. Apparently no one bothered to clue her in that when you stuff a watermelon into a change purse, it has a tendency to be uncomfortable, sometimes, even downright painful.
Needless to say, she’s been quite verbal about the fact that she is ready for this baby to come out, despite the fact that Baby has ideas of his own. Most recently, she posted on Facebook, requesting ideas on how to jumpstart her labor. Me, being the helpful person that I am, immediately jumped on that bandwagon with nipple stimulation.
Not wanting to seem like my mind is in the gutter (I didn’t say it isn’t, I just don’t want it to seem like it is to the casual observer), I decided to find a link to a nice website for her, so that she could see this is a real thing, and not just an attempt on my part to make her blush. (The blushing would just be icing.)
I found an article on About.com, written by Robin Elise Weiss, LCCE. (I don’t know what LCCE is, exactly, but it must mean she’s important. Anyone who has letters after their name is always important.) By the way, they can’t sue me for this picture, since I gave credit to the author for the article, right?
Correct me if I’m wrong, but if the baby is around to provide the oral stimulation, it’s kind of no longer necessary, is it? I’m just sayin’….