“Merry Christmas,” she whispered.

And why is she whispering, you may wonder? Well, because she has lost her voice. I must be the only person in the world who gets *sicker* after being on antibiotics for a week…ah well…

Did you get what you wanted for Christmas (or whatever holiday you may observe)? As you may recall, I posted a wish list a few weeks ago. While I didn’t get too many things from my list – where’s that pony you promised, huh Mom??? – I still think I did ok in the end. My brother got me a ‘welcome’ mat (and I use that term loosely) that says “go away”. It is now proudly on display outside my front door. I’m sure the other families in the building will love it!

My horoscope for today goes something like this: There is a deep creativity inside you, and today you can release it by writing. While I don’t really feel that I have anything deeply creative to share today, who am I to deny the Astrological Gods of Yahoo? Let’s see, what to write, what to write…

Ok, how about this…

I was sitting here minding my own business yesterday afternoon (Christmas Eve) when an IM from a stranger popped up on Yahoo Messenger. Now, this has been known to happen from time to time, and I typically handle the situation in one of two ways:

  1. Completely ignore the message, close the IM window, and deny any subsequent requests that said stranger be added to my buddy list. This is the most frequently used option, chosen in such situations where the would-be chatter has:
    • used chat shorthand in his opening line (“hi. how r u? would u like 2 chat?” – I hate that crap! If you are too lazy to type out the word ‘to’, I’m pretty sure getting you up off of the couch to help me clean the house before your crazy relatives show up for Sunday dinner is out of the question. Move along.)
    • quite obviously IM’d me only because he saw my picture online and thought – God only knows what. I’m not ugly, but I’m no supermodel either, so as far as I’m concerned, they need to have a better reason for interrupting my Sudoku game than “u r so sexy”
    • indicated either in his initial message or somewhere in his profile (well of course I’m gonna look first!) that he is married/ involved or is some other kind of sexual deviant.
  2. Politely reply and allow said stranger to begin a conversation until such time as he either bores me so thoroughly that I can no longer read the screen through my tears, proves that his IQ is lower than my bra size, or “whips it out” for me to see (this can be literal or figurative). Once this happens, I proceed to step 2 of Option 1: close the IM window and deny any subsequent request that said stranger be added to my buddy list. This option is usually only chosen if:
    • I am really, really, really bored and I don’t currently have any ingrown toenails to try and dig out with a rusty butter knife; or
    • Said stranger has managed not to make any of the major offenses cited in Option 1, has a photo on his profile proving that he is at least somewhat related to the Homo sapien species, and has in fact made some sort of opening remark that comes across as at least mildly interesting (“I’ve just read your blog and find you to be the most intelligent and awe-inspiring woman on the internet. Might I please bask in your brilliance for but a few moments?”)

So it was maybe 2:00pm yesterday when a message pops up from someone I will call Mr. Stupidly Overconfident, for reasons which will soon become apparent. In his message, he said hello and asked if he could ask me a question. A quick check to his profile revealed that he is 21 years old and lives in Colorado. Since he didn’t violate any of the major rules, I was curious as to what he might possibly want to ask a 36-year-old living on the other side of the country, and I had 5 minutes to kill, I replied. While I could have made the statement that by asking that question he had in fact already asked me a question, I don’t like to be quite so obvious, so instead, this is how the conversation followed (my thoughts are in green):

Me: I don’t know, usually when someone has to ask if they can ask you a question, it means you aren’t going to want to answer.
Mr. Stupidly Overconfident (from here on out to be referred to as Mr. SO for short): lol true but i asked if i could ask cause it is the gentleman thing to do
Me: so ask…I can always do the lady thing and not answer.
Mr. SO: lol true i was going to ask how a lovely young lady such as yourself is still single

Are you kidding? All that build-up for that???

Me: well I haven’t been single forever (just seems that way at the moment. lol)
Mr. SO: well no lol and why is that

Well no?? Did I ask you a question?

Me: why is what?
Mr. SO: why does it seem that way at the moment
Me: because I haven’t seen anyone seriously in awhile, that’s all
Mr. SO: i see by choice?

Well, I see because light that reflects off of objects around me is imaged onto my retina by the lens of my eye. The retina, which consists of three layers of neurons is then responsible for detecting the light from these images and then causing impulses to be sent to my brain along the optic nerve. The brain decodes these images into information that I “see”. But if you can do it just by choice, more power to you!

Me: by choice, by circumstance, whatever…just haven’t met the right person yet.
Mr. SO: well maybe that how it is meant to be for now life works in odd ways
Me: I wasn’t complaining about it
Mr. SO: no why should you no b/f is better then a a$$hole jerk b/f

At this point I am thinking that having no conversation would be better than having this conversation.

Me: yep
Mr. SO: but then again every costs more when single lol
Me: ah well, every silver lining comes attached to a cloud
Mr. SO: how so

Ok, I really didn’t think my comment was that hard to follow. At this point I am just about done, and more than ready to revert to Option 1.

Me: nevermind…sorry, I am on my way to a family dinner, and need to finish getting ready
Mr. SO: well maybe you should but then you could stay with me and be lazy and just talk even if that is no fun
Huh??? Are you for real? #1: I don’t know you, #2: why would I want to blow off a family dinner to talk to you “even if that is no fun”??? and #3: I DON’T KNOW YOU!

Me: except that I don’t know you, and if I go to the dinner, I get presents. lol…sorry, gifts win out.
Mr. SO: well true but could they not just give them to you tomorrow instead


Me: I’m not seeing them tomorrow.
Mr. SO: why not?

Why do you care, psycho??? I DON’T KNOW YOU!

Me: because I am seeing other family tomorrow
Mr. SO: ahh i see well they could mail them

This is either the most retarded person on the planet, or the most arrogant, but either way, I am finished.

Me: bye
Mr. SO: bye for now i will see you later

Oh, not if I see you first, buddy! I DON’T KNOW YOU!

This was immediately followed by a request to join my buddy list, which I promptly denied.

So that is my story. At this moment my computer is so slow that I am completely finished typing a sentence before the second word appears on my monitor. Guess that means it’s time for bed. Merry Christmas, everyone!

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