Break out the champagne, it’s time to PAR-TAY!!!

Why the celebration, you ask?  Well, first of all, let me tell you why it *isn’t*:

  • It’s not because it was the last day of school for the kids that attend the private school where I work. What do I care? I work all year long…Besides, summer camp starts on Monday, so there will still be kids around…
  • It’s not because it is nearly the weekend, and what has been a long and stressful week will soon be over…I don’t have any caffeine in my house, haven’t had more than 8 ounces of a caffeinated beverage since 7:30 this morning, and if I follow my doctor’s advice, won’t be having any more EVER, so this weekend isn’t looking any better than the rest of the week! Can you say, “withdrawal,” boys and girls?
  • It’s not because my boss is about to leave town for 12 days…she’s already asked me how much it would cost her to get a satellite phone so that even when she’s in the depths of the Grand Canyon on the back of a burro she’ll still be able to call and say, “We need to write a letter…”

The reason for my glee is that after tomorrow morning (and possibly not even then if I can avoid it) I will never, ever, ever, EVER have to see ….oh darn, I probably shouldn’t say her name….well, fine then…I’ll never, ever, ever have to see HER again.

This woman has been the bane of my existence since I started my job in September of 2004. I won’t go into all the gory details, mainly because I’m sleepy, but it all came to a head today when my boss lost it, and finally let her have it. I wish I’d had the foresight to make popcorn. It was great!

The straw that broke the Puerto Rican’s back was when this woman, the parent of one of our graduating kindergarteners, came to my office this morning crying (and I do mean crying) that her ex-husband had taken the child’s kindergarten diploma home with him after the graduation ceremony the night before, and she absolutely *had* to have one of her own. Today. Right at that very moment. I explained to her calmly that this was the first I’d heard that she wanted a duplicate, and that while I was not saying it couldn’t be done, I was saying it couldn’t be done right then and there. We were having field day, it was the last day of school, I was in the middle of my usual 20 or 30 different things, and I just couldn’t stop and do it. Plus, it required things that I do not possess, such as the director’s signature, and the school seal. Rather than just accept that and say, “ok, well, whenever you can get to it would be great, thanks,” she then proceeds to say that she is leaving at noon, and wants this thing in her hand by then. She’s done so much more than her ex for this school, etc (yeah, but at least he pays his 2/3 of the tuition – on time!)….I’m sorry lady, but no matter what your twisted reasoning, it isn’t going to make the director magically appear out of thin air with the little gizmo that creates the school seal that needs to be on this silly thing. I once again tell her that I can’t make any promises as to when it will be ready, that this is the first I’m hearing of her request, and we will get to it as soon as we can. She then says the words that seal her fate…

“Well, I got your note about the extra money that I owe, (for the record moron, that isn’t extra money, that is tuition that you haven’t bothered to pay since April…but by all means, please continue) and when I have the diploma in my hand, you’ll get the check.” And just to make sure I heard her properly, she repeated the threat for me as she walked away from my office.

Of course, I was obligated to pass this statement along to my boss. 😀

Next thing this woman knew, she found herself on the wrong end of a pissed-off Puerto Rican. And lucky me, I got to sit in on it. It was great! Told her how from day ONE she had been pushy and rude and sneaky, and how we didn’t need to stand for it. If she had just come to us and asked *nicely*, we would have been more than happy to make the silly thing for her, but now it went way beyond a piece of paper. Oh, and if you read your Parent Handbook, you’d see it was the other way around….we don’t have to release a darned thing to you, Kindergarten graduation certificate included…if you have an outstanding, overdue balance. Nah nah. There was a bunch of other good stuff, but I’m getting carpal tunnel syndrome. Maybe I need to do a podcast. What the hell is a podcast, anyway? 😀

This whole conversation (a.k.a. ‘screaming session’) was done behind closed doors. This woman then had the audacity to approaching my boss in the hallway and burst into tears after being told that even if you go get your checkbook and settle your account this second, it will still take some time to produce the silly certificate. Apparently they teach you in pharmacist school that if you whine and cry and say, “But it’s REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME. I have to have it NOW,” suddenly the fundamental way that time passes will be altered, and things that previously took a few hours to get done will be accomplished in the blink of an eye. Personally, I also think they teach them in pharmacist school that they need to taste-test the pills as they’re dispensing them – you know, to make sure they’re giving out the right thing – but that’s a whole other story…

Long story even longer, she finally left, but will be back tomorrow with her check – that she’s most likely *already* called the bank to stop payment on – to pick up her diploma. Through this whole ordeal, do you think she’s ever once stopped to consider that the diploma belongs to her SON and not to her? Does not having that stupid piece of paper mean that none of the work he’s done and the things he’s learned over the past 3 years means anything? Is he retarded without it? (But only at her house – he’s ok when he’s at dad’s….his diploma is there) Should my dad go back and sue my high school for not giving him a copy of my diploma when I graduated?  AHHHHH!

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