Day 9: Club Bobo Conversations

boboBoBo is a 7-foot tall bear that stands in our front yard. He belonged to the previous owners, and when negotiating the contract to buy our house, one of our few requirements was, “The bear stays.” I mean, he had to…I had already named him and everything. [If you ever watched Muppets Tonight in the early/mid-90’s, you’ll know where the name came from.]

I began referring to the house as Club BoBo…kind of like Club Med, but with rain and frequent 30 mph winds. Club Bobo Conversations are examples of some of the ridiculous things that my mother and I say to each other on a daily basis. One day, if we manage not to murder each other before I have enough material, there will be a book.

Here are just a few that come to mind. So that my mother will continue to feed me, I won’t identify which of us said what…I’ll leave that up to you to decide.

Person 1: Oh, hey…lightning!

Person 2: Where?

Person 1: Um…what?

Person 2: Outside?

Person 1: Do you usually see it somewhere else?

One of my personal favs…this one actually took place before there was a Club Bobo…but it still counts:

Person 1: Pastor cake? That doesn’t sound appetizing. I don’t want to eat a pastor.

Person 2: What’s wrong with pastors? Maybe they have big dongs.

Person 1: I don’t think so.

Person 2: Yeah. Maybe that’s why they love God so much…because he blessed them with large dongs.

Person 1: You know nobody calls them “dongs” anymore, right?

Person 2: Well, back in the day, that’s what we called them. Ding dongs.

Person 1: This is *so* going on Facebook.

You’ll probably be able to figure out who said what with this one…

Person 1: They really have run out of things to make tv shows about, haven’t they?

Person 2: Sure looks that way.

Person 1: Well, I’m just a tv show waiting to happen right here.

Person 2: Yeah? What’s your show about?

Person 1: “Fashionably Undressed, with Cheryl Jones.”

And last, but not least….(I’ve got to save some for the book, folks!):

Person 1: So, just in case I start exhibiting any strange symptoms later…

Person 2: Strange…uh…what?

Person 1: Well, I opened the orange juice this morning, and it didn’t have any freshness seal at all. It was just…gone.

Person 2: That’s probably because I opened it yesterday.

Person 1: Oh, you did? It didn’t look like any of it was missing.

Person 2: I only used about a tablespoon full. I poured it on my apple, so it wouldn’t turn brown.

Person 1: Oh…in that case, I probably shouldn’t have dumped it out, then.

Person 2: You dumped out a brand new bottle of juice? Before you asked the other person who lives here if they’d opened it?

Person 1: Yeah. Well, anyway…I guess I don’t need to keep this anymore, then, do I? (Takes the empty oj container and throws it in the garbage.)

Person 2: Why’d you keep the container, if you’d dumped out all of the juice?

Person 1: So the police could test it for poison if I die, of course.

Person 2: Um…yeah…ok

Two pretty obvious questions probably come to mind after that conversation. 1) Why would you drink the juice if you feared it had been poisoned? 2) If you’ve gone ahead and drunk the (allegedly) poisoned juice anyway, why dump the remainder? Folks, we may never know the answer to these burning questions…

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